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Recovery Stories

Caitlin
April 12, 2001

Some people have been through a whole lot more than I've been through during my life. If anyone who suffers from an eating disorder can benefit from what I have to say, I'll believe that writing this letter is worth it!

I suffered from anorexia for 2 years.When I reached my lowest weight at age 13, my parents, and doctor sent me to an eating disorder clinic within a psychiatric hospital in Pittsburgh, PA.

I felt that the only reason they sent me there was to gain more weight. I knew that I wouldn't get better mentally.I wasn't ready to recover. I was there for almost 3 months. I was 5 hours away from my family in N.Y. I felt lonely, scared, and it was almost like everyone at the the Hospital was trying to punish me. What had I done wrong to deserve this treatment from these strangers?

After three miserable months in the hospital, my parents decided to take me out.

I didn't know what to do. I was faced with the real world again. But I wasn't yet done "recovering". I was sent to an outpatient clinic near home for a month. God, did I hate those people there! They made me weigh my food, count every calorie that went into my body, all they talked about was food. I didn't ever want to hear the word food again.Those people helped contribute to me getting even deeper into my eating disorder, and excessive exercising.

After going through about 11 psychologists, and 4 dietitians me and my family were hopeless!

My father had heard about a woman in our area who specialized in eating disorders. Infact she had suffered from one herself. She turned out to be the most wonderful, and helpful person I have known in my life.

She had worked with a nutritionist who also was very supportive,and helpful. I would see both of them seperately once a week. When they asked me if I'd like to return to school, I wasn't exactly sure. But I finally decided that I had to go back some time. After being out for three months, I returned to school. I didn't know what people would think, or how they would react to me. It was hard adjusting, but I got used to it after a while. Around December, I started to loose weight again, and exercised. The cycle was beginning all over again. My family and friends were afraid for me. I was too! I remember the lunch ladies picking through the garbage to find my barely eaten lunch, so they could show my mother who worked within the school. She was very disappointed in me. I was too! I felt I had failed once again.

On Christmas Eve my parents and I had gotten into a huge fight. I threatened to commit suicide, and my mom called the police. I had turned into someone I didn't know. ED was taking over my body.

My whole life turned around on Christmas Day,for the better!I sat by myself, and thought long and hard about what I was going to achieve out of this -- the answer was: NOTHING!

I've come to realize that everybody has a flaw, not just me! My mom told me that she would always love me no matter what I weighed. Why do people have to be skinny to be accepted? The reason that God made us was so that we could function properly, and live life to the fullest. Everything that was put on our body was put there for a reason. Everybody is beautiful in their own, unique way. That's what makes YOU a special person, different from all the rest. I've come out stroger,and wiser than before.

(Thank you very much Elise and Elaine. I love you guys!)

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