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Listen to Your Soul

By: Isol

I developed anorexia when I was 15. All I wanted was to be skinny and "perfect" like the other girls. Later I was pressured to eat by my parents, and after learning it in a magazine, I became a bulimic. I am 31 years old now. I have destroyed my teeths, something that is going to cost me more than $6,000... because I need 32 crowns, and we have 36 teeth.

I have suffered for what other people think of me, I have punished my self for other people's thoughs. I've selled my soul to be accepted, I selled my reason to be in this world to be accepted. I have renounced to my spirit to become a picture of what the world beleives is "in".

And I am grateful, because after all this years of suffering I have found something very hard to find. I have found myself. I have learned that the only person I have to please is me, that the only person I can change is me.. and that by changing myself I can change more than I can imagine. I've learned that our souls are the only real thing, and that nothing else is going to give me greater happines than myself. I have learned to love and respect myself, and by doing that, people love me and respect me more.

I've learned that the only reason we are here is to find out who we are and what are we here for. When we find our purpose, and we give it to others we have the greatest sensation ever imagined. And our purpose is not being famous, doctors, lawyers... a purpose can be bringing happiness, helping others... and this purposes are more important than career oriented ones. How many doctors you know that seem dont have a purpose or a commitment with their careers?

We, people with ed's, are very afraid to listen to ourselves, we are always distracting our souls with thouhgs.. the only way out is jumping to the empty, not being afraid, afraid is in our minds, and is a way of avoidings we will have to handle sooner or later.

When we feel that urge to eat or to control not eating, we have to have the courage to not do it, just sit, feel and jump to the empty.

Finding ourselves is the most gratificating experience, contacting our souls.... thats the only reason we are here.

If my teeth, my suffering and all the pain were the price to connect to my soul, and the price for my spiritual growth, then, God... thank you for being so kind to me.

©2001 Isol. Reprinted with Permission.

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