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How I Feel

By: Becca

I thought that I have been in recovery for years, now I realise that I have only just started. With the help of a therapist, I am beginning to learn that I am allowed to be sad for myself and the things I have been through, I don't have to get worse or to fit perfectly into a category to be helped and I still have a long way to go.

In relation to my ed, I have always felt almost ashamed of the fact that I didn't have a horrific childhood and nothing deeply traumatic ever happened to me. Even as I type that, I have to remind myself that I did have bad times ( relentless bullying at school and a belief that I was too repulsive to be loved) and that I was never succesful in finding a way to cope. I am struggling with the paradox of loving my parents, feeling angry with them and trying not to blame.

I am so thankful that I have finally realised that food won't ever respond to the demands I make of it and I am even beginning to hope that maybe one day I will feel something other than disgust for myself, maybe I will even be able to like myself.

From Becca
Thanks to you all for the support that is, and will continue to be, a lifeline. To everyone who feels hopeless, I would love to be able to offer words of comfort and wisdom, but all I can think of to say is hold on.

©2001 Becca. Reprinted with Permission.

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