The following story is about a young woman named Caron who has been battling anorexia. This story is shared through the eyes of her friend, Lisa Arndt.

Please be warned that some of the information may be very triggering if you suffer from an Eating Disorder yourself.

February 1998

February 12, 1998

Caron is still alive, but in poor health

Hello friends! To the old readers who are so dedicated to checking updates and who must be frustrated at their infrequency, and to the new readers who are overwhelmed by this incredible struggle...

I CHERISH ALL OF YOU.

I am unable to write frequently about Caron because our friendship has changed drastically. I spent more than a year (if you look back at the early letter on this website) trying desperately to help Caron. There were interventions, pleading and bargaining, free therapy, free medical care, support groups, legal action, talk shows, etc., to help her get well. The bottom line is that Caron decided she did not want recovery. I believe her severe Anorexia has given her a false identity, an illusion of importance, and a way to completely avoid her horrible childhood. But I am in my own recovery from disordered eating and I slowly let my efforts to help Caron fade, when I finally realized she would not take them. It was very difficult for me to let go and realize that I am powerless. For all the friends and the loved ones of people with Eating Disorders, this is the most horrible lesson. But I proudly work every day at the Rader Institute in Los Angeles, helping the people who want recovery to find it.

As a result of my own growth, I rarely speak to Caron these days, which is why I rarely update this part of the website. You will hear from me again, probably not for several months though. I will tell you if anything drastic happens and I do appreciate all of you and all of your supportive kind e-mails. I am unable to write back to everyone and am so sorry for that, but I work for Rader, for ANAD and am in school, and I am a musician - my time is quite limited. I do however, firmly believe that recovery is possible and that within this amazing website everyone can find some helpful information that can start them on the wonderful journey of recovery.

Please learn from Caron's pain. Please. Learn to love yourself. It's the most important thing you will ever do. And this earth needs loving sensitive people like us (the Eating Disorder Crowd, we're so nice and caring, you know?). Don't let this monster take your life.

Okay, so here's the UPDATE
I will update again by summertime

Caron is doing okay, though I would hesitate to call her life a full one. She is living with an older guy she met who she says she is in love with. He takes care of her, they live together in the valley section of Los Angeles.

Caron cannot work due to her weakness, ill appearance (her skin color is yellow-grey-ish and her weight has leveled out and is much better actually than it was last year at her all time low), mood swings (the rollar coaster ride of rage and sadness, hopelessness and anger is so out of control it feels like her personality has changed completely), lack of energy, osteopena (loss of bone density in her hips, what caused her to break her hip last year when she fell against a couch, and what now limits her ability to walk for long periods of time), osteoporosis (loss of bone density in her back and spine, which has caused her to shrink in height from 5 foot 4 inches to about 5 feet even), failing eyesight, chronic stomach problems (her GI track will most likely never recover and behave normally again due to malnutrition, vomiting, laxatives and odd "ritual safe" foods), chronic headaches, bone pain, muscle atrophy (her muscles are weak and worn out and cannot endure much strength), and other health problems that come in and out of her life.

Caron is 24 years old. She looks and feels like an 80 year old woman and I think her soul is even older than that, with it's cynical startling awareness of the darkness in our world. I spoke to Caron's mother who speaks with her daughter fairly often and tells me she is worried about Caron's on-again-off-again romance with this older man. Sometimes Caron calls her mother crying hysterical saying this guy beats her up and treats her badly. Sometimes Caron calls saying she is so in love and happy. My guess is she is still using drugs to take some of the pain of her condition away (her favorite drug was always pot) and perhaps she is sometimes telling the truth, sometimes not. She has a rather intense flair for drama afterall.

What I know is she is hanging in there, she does write poetry still and remains an excellent cook (ah, the irony). She eats just barely enough to maintain her numbed and fatigued state. She is not the lively fun girl I met years ago, but she is still with us and I believe that, in and of itself, is something profound.

Because Valentine's Day is coming and is a day dedicated to celebrating love... Caron, consider yourself celebrated.

Blessed Be...
Lisa

Caron's story is about a young woman battling anorexia. It is shared through the eyes of her friend, Lisa Arndt.

read April, 1998 >>

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