The following story is about a young woman named Caron who has been battling anorexia. This story is shared through the eyes of her friend, Lisa Arndt.

Please be warned that some of the information may be very triggering if you suffer from an Eating Disorder yourself.

March 1997

March 14, 1997

Hello! I have been out of commission for a while due to computer problems. I want to report that Caron is still alive, living in Los Angeles in her apartment while her landlord is trying to have her evicted (she can't pay rent anymore). Her mother and sister did send her an airline ticket to Canada (but she never showed up) and continue to encourage and welcome her to come to Canada for treatment. For now, she is unwilling to go, though she sometimes considers it. She is stable but suffering. She was so scared the other night that she curled up and tried to sleep in her apartment building's laundry room. The anorexia and drug use tends to make her "out of it". I am very sad about the entire situation. I feel that I can't really help Caron, especially since she sincerely does not want help right now!

Currently, I don't spend time with Caron. I guess I really thought last year if I did everything I did (gave her money, gave her unconditional love and support, did the intervention, etc. etc.) that Caron would be inspired to try to get well. But as the year painfully went on, I realized that she was quite devoted to being sick, no doubt because that had worked for her all her life. I also became aware of the emotional toll it was taking on me to watch someone slowly slowly die. I remember her saying on a talk show we went on that she was afraid if she got well that her friends would leave her. Ironically, I feel that if she doesn't get well, I have no choice but to distance myself (if I want to stay well myself). But it doesn't mean I don't love her, I do. While I thought the many dramas I went through with her were the most painful things I had ever encountered, I find that separating myself is equally difficult, but sadly necessary.

Dispite my resolve, I continue to do little things when I can... I have contacted the famous Montreaux Clinic run by Peggy Claude-Pierre, and told them about Caron, but there is a two year waiting list and all of their patients are on a voluntary basis. The clinic simply offered me sympathy and encouragement. Old friends of Caron, including nurses and therapists I work with at The Rader Institute continue to pray and hope for her. And I remain available if she wants help...

For now, I devote my energies to helping people who want help, whose stories also break my heart, and though I know not all of them will get better (10% of people diagnosed with anorexia will die), I feel useful and good. I still believe there is another way to live this Life besides starving and stuffing. And I believe that this web site is a way to get help, to make connections, and to learn about this addiction. I am proud to meet all of you who read this... and I appreciate the unbelievable support you have given.

I will let you know what happens to Caron, and to myself. But it may be a while before there is anything significant to report. Until then, dear cyber friends, I encourage you to explore the other amazing parts of this web site and learn & discover & begin to realize there are millions of us with disordered eating who are finding other ways to survive.

Blessed Be...
Lisa

Easter Sunday, 1997

Caron continues to hang on. She was evicted from her apartment (after a long landlord battle that began when Caron stopped paying rent in November) and was set to live with a friend, who, at the last minute, changed his mind. Caron's response was, with her other friends, to steal from him (a VCR and expensive camera) and disappear. Which she did for six days.

Caron's mother then called me from Canada, hysterical, and I called the police detective who helped me last time Caron was missing and re-opened her "missing persons" file. The next day, however, Caron called her sister to report that she was okay. She is living in different places, going from friend to friend, and tells her mother she still thinks about returning to Canada. My instinct tells me Caron is wrapped up, too deep, in a world of drug use and Los Angeles lifestyle that makes t.v. movies look dull. Her anorexia contines, but is only one layer of a problem that spirals on and on.

Honestly, my dear dear faithful friends, I am beginning to doubt that Caron's anorexia is the main problem here. Yes, it is serious, it is quite real and life threatening to the point where I am certain she will eventually die of related causes, yet there are complex issues here that the "average" anorexic does not face. I know each story is unique, but it would be a dis-service if I pretended that Caron's struggle was that of typical anorexia.

Ironically, Caron would agree. At least the Caron I knew and spent so much of my devoted energy and time with all last year. She would say she's got the anorexia thing down to a science and that her daily problems where in addition to the anorexia. She would speak of the world, and how it's "done her wrong" and she would wonder "why" and did she "deserve" so much pain and abuse and neglect and torture. She was a lost soul then, too.

But these days I don't feel a connection with Caron anymore. I am sad about this. But I understand her drive to only take on this world drugged and violently. My heart is empathetic, yes, but I am also frustrated. Because I don't think she is giving herself a chance at all. She has the choice and is not taking it.

All of you have the choice, you know? We all do. We can decide to feed ourselves, physically and emotionally and spiritually. We can ask for help, we can change patterns. It's not easy, it's one of the biggest things we face as peoples, but isn't is worth it?

I believe it is. I believe that you are worth it. And I believe Caron is worth it. But my beliefs have not, can not, and will not touch her unless she wants to be nourished.

Please don't keep slowly killing yourselves, loves...
Bright Blessings -- Lisa

Caron's story is about a young woman battling anorexia. It is shared through the eyes of her friend, Lisa Arndt.

read April, 1997 >>

Back to Caron's Story Index