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Voices
by: Megan

once again it is calling me
i satisfy it but my voice is scolding me
finally i cannot stand it anymore and i prayed
i prayed to my gog
my very beautiful Porcelin God
there i prayed to rid me of my food
i pray so i will not be fat
it's not hard now
i just listen to that voice and let it all come out
i remember the times when my eyes becomes red and bloodshot
the times when my lips becomes swollen
the times when my voice becomes scratchy and my throat becomes sore
i remember flushing and praying
flushing keeps the water from splashing onto my face
every heave i heave the voice becomes nicer
until finally-it stops yelling and just congradulates me
but, there's always a but; but once the voice stops IT starts calling me again
IT calls until i cannot concentrate on anything else
then i satisfy the call
my voice starts up again
this is forever happening
forever a cycle which i cannot break
i am stuck.

©2000 Megan. Reprinted with Permission.

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