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Hate
by: Jen

I thought I knew it
I thought I knew how it felt.....to hate
but as I sit here, in my hospital bed,
I realized I had not a clue
for now I know how it feels....to hate
because as I sit here, I hate

The feeling of isolation,
like a bird that can't fly.
Crying my eyes out on the shoulder of a stranger.
Saying goodnight over the phone,
and being left without a kiss.
The hate is as high as the highest tower

The feeling of guilt that follows each mouthful:
The fire that burns my soul.
Waking up each day,
and looking in the mirror.
the hate is as deep as a bottomless hole

The feeling of fear; afraid of the unknown.
What to do, to expect, I do not know.
When the times comes, I think,
I'll shut my eyes and jump.
The hate is as long as th longest river.

And the feeling of failure,
"I'm not special, I lost,
Anorexia promised me I'd win, she deceived me.
I fell into her trap, and now I have nothing......"
.........but hate

©2000 Jen. Reprinted with Permission.

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