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A Need to Feel
by: Anonymous

I wonder around in life
With nothing but a smile
A happy outward shell,
But I�m wondering all the while.

"What�s happening to my body? What�s happening to me?"
I stop to think about all of it.
It suddenly becomes a reality.

I�m living my life, the way I always have.
Friends, school, boys, all the normal stuff
But I feel empty inside, something�s missing
Something lacking inside is making it tough

Tough to feel, tough to cry, tough to feel anything true
It is overtaking my mind
Thinking of food is all I can do.

How can I eat less?
I can I lose weight?
I wish I could stop it,
But now it�s too late.

It makes me powerful, it makes me feel high
Each time the numbers on the scale go down,
I feel like I could fly.

Something I can control,
Something that can�t hurt me
Something that is just mine
A definite identity.

I�m scared, but not of this
I�m scared of hurt
I�m scared of sorrow
I�m scared of emotional pain.
And most of all, I�m scared of the weight I might gain.

I�ve been so hurt, and it�ll never happen again
Because now I have built this wall
Now no one can get in.

But I miss feelings. I feel empty inside.
Every time a feeling arises,
I run away and hide.

I hide behind the diets
And the thought of being thin
"If I can resist food" I think,
"Than I can win"

I don�t miss feeling hurt.
I miss feeling happy
My soul feels like it�s dead
And my stomach goes un-fed

I have so much to be happy about.
What�s wrong with me?
I can�t feel anything good
How can this be?

So many care for me, I know
I am so thankful for that
Although it doesn�t show.
But I love those who are my friend
They mean the world to me
I hope they�re there til the end.

But I can feel the joy.
I know I need help.
I just need to find something within myself.

©2001 Anonymous. Reprinted with Permission.

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