The following story is about a young woman named Caron who has been battling anorexia. This story is shared through the eyes of her friend, Lisa Arndt.

Please be warned that some of the information may be very triggering if you suffer from an Eating Disorder yourself.

April 1999

April 20th, 1999

Part One: about me, Lisa Arndt, and recent media appearances

A lot of things have been happening lately. The Dateline NBC show that interviewed me finally aired on 4.2.99 and I felt that they did a great job, they didn't glamorize eating disorders and they focused on the positve ending, rather than only reporting the drama. After Dateline, the Today Show NBC also showed a small segment on eating disorders as did the show Extra! NBC (both aired during the second week of April). I am glad that eating disorders got such important media attention, as there are so many people who don't understand or refuse to believe it is a real disease.

The Video Diary that Dateline showed I had made years ago in an effort to tell myself how life was going in the middle of anorexia. I never expected it to be shown on t.v. years later, however, if any of you are currently battling an eating illness you may want to consider doing a Video Diary, just a homevideo with you talking honestly. It's worth a try and may be a valuable documentary for your own life.

The People Magazine article was on stands April 2 (though it was technically the April 12th issue) and it was a cover story on eating disorders on college campuses. Again, I am glad this very serious issue was highlighted, however, I personally was not happy with the People article (my story only) because I felt it was more focused on the negative and "gory" details rather than the real-life-reality that having an eating disorder is NO WAY TO LIVE and that recovery is an option. In addition, a few facts were incorrect, such as it was a beauty contest winner, not a homecoming queen, and she never told me she took 75 laxatives a day (she did take alot, though); also my parents did pay for a lengthy hospitalization and my insurance ran out (but my parents spent their savings so I could finish my treatment); also the photo on the beach was taken in Santa Monica and my therapist was not any pictures, its a medical doctor who is weighing me; etc. etc.

Regardless, the entire People cover article did capture a lot of attention and I have heard from so many young people who can relate and awareness was raised. For the record, please do not use any of these media stories as a way to "learn" how to continue disordered eating behaviors or to compare yourself and judge yourself against other sufferers. Don't miss the point of all of this... and that is to demand an end to eating disorders and this devastating chronic low self esteem that girls and women are haunted by and willing to sacrafice their entire lives for and their inner power and ability to experience joy. My fear of any of those shows is that people will use it as a tool to be more abusive to their already hurting souls and bodies. Please please try not to do that (as you can see, I am rather passionate about this).

The media continues to be nice to me and I will be appearing on the Montel Williams Show (it is scheduled to tape in mid-May which means it will most likely air in early June, but I will let you know when I have an exact date). Leeza Gibbons also called me, they are doing a show in the next few weeks (be on the lookout for it!), but I already contracted with Montel.

I'm not sure if anyone reading this is interested, but if you want to tell your story, I encourage you to take the time to write or call the many talk shows and news shows this country has. Talk shows complain, actually, because Rader keeps all patients confidential, and they are always trying to find people with dramatic stories (of course, it is the media, please keep that in perspective). The media can be an opportunity to tell people about the Something Fishy Website as a resource and a place to meet others as well as the memorial site, which is incredible and baffling. However, please be careful-- the media has it's own interest at heart and DRAMA sells and some people have had bad experiences.

By the way, if you didn't already know I work at Rader Programs and if you are curious about Rader, they have a web site www.raderpro.com (actually, they are linked to Something Fishy) or you can call and get free info 1-800-841-1515.

I have recieved a lot of mail from people in pain and I just want to say, please don't give up, we have to all fight this-- we are the ones, and if we fight now it might get easier for our grandchildren or maybe insurance will cave in and pay for our treatment or maybe we'll be the first generation of women to LOVE themselves enough so that the next generation of women will have a chance to live fully. I want to help each and every one of you, one by one, but I can't, but DO NOT use that as an excuse to not get better. Please. Utilize the amount of resources available now, especially on the internet, and talk to other people still suffering or order a book that might inspire you or try the suggestions written by those in recovery.

In terms of ways to PAY FOR TREATMENT... some insurance will pay for eating disorders, to find out, call any treatment center and they will check your insurance for you. MediCal and MediCare are sometimes taken, Rader takes it, for example, but usually it only pays for a week or two. There is a non-profit organization in New York that is trying to raise money for a scholarship program to offer people with eating disorders. Its called Healing Connections and someday I pray it will be a huge charity that does outreach work. It makes me so sad to know that anorexia has the HIGHEST death rate among psychiatric illnesses and yet there are no federal funds for this disease (in contrast, there are funds for drug addiction and alcoholism).

Okay, I must step off my soapbox. Let's talk about CARON...

Part Two: About CARON, an update for April 1999, at last

CARON is alive and calls me to check in. She moves around a lot, she doesn't have her own source of income, but she stays at different friend's houses or stays in a hotel for a few weeks, so it is hard to track her down. Right now she doesn't have a phone number... BUT she does call me from time to time and here is the update:

CARON has slowly gained weight through all of last year. She is quite releaved because some of her medical problems have gotten better. HOWEVER, she walks with a limp due to her breaking her hip bone because her bones are so brittle and there has been significant damage done to her major organs (heart, liver, kidneys) that cannot be undone. There is still some evidence of brain damage, but it is hard to determine. SHE IS NOT COMPLETELY OUT OF THE EATING DISORDER. Though she may not look as "scary" and "deathly" she actually remains at high risk of dying due to her past and what I KNOW is the TRUTH is that NO ONE HAS TO "LOOK" ANOREXIC (aka media images of the disease) IT IS A MINDSTATE.

Caron tells me she still struggles with food. She is scared she will get back into the "bulimia thing" and she is fearful of that cycle taking over. She is irradic in her eating, trying to eat but not binge, trying to not feel pressure to be "skinny sickly Caron" anymore, etc. She has enough willingness to have reached this point, and that is HOPE.

Caron does, unfortunately, use drugs. She wants to escape (she uses the anorexia to do that also) and not feel her emotions. The Self-Destruction is still there and so recovery is not.

Caron (and me too) remains in awe of the readers of this story. She is grateful and hopeful that it is helping. Wouldn't it be wonderful, if, from out of all this pain, grew a beautiful thing? What if, all the pain of all of us with eating disorders, could be re-focused? We could move mountains!! Could you imagine? For all our efforts to calorie detail and weight obsession was transformed into loving ourselves, our bodies, and our friends??? It would be incredible.

I will keep trying to do my part, to use my experience of anorexic hell, and turn it into a positive, if I can. Maybe even take all of this to Oprah or to a book publisher...

But I am not kidding myself, I work at being positive. But I am human, and I worry. I'm scared for Caron's weakened body. I'm scared for another friend, who doesn't see she is dying, who is out of it and the malnutrition stops her brain and psyche from fighting the disease, yet she is fearful that she is not sick "enough" (that is anorexia's nature: never to be thin enough, good enough, perfect enough, sick enough, dying dramatically enough, etc.). I'm scared that no one (insurance) is paying for treatment for us. And sometimes I wonder if mostly men had this disorder if they would pay.

But, whether I like it or not, I am only one person and I can't work fast enough to fix these aches in our consciousness, in our society, in our female-body-hatered culture. The good news is that I have found other people and together we could be unstoppable. Something Fishy is a thriving example. Gurze books is another. Healing Connections is one and so is the newsletter for parents with kids suffering from EDs (can be found on something fishy's site) whose founder, Megan, I spoke with on the phone. She is an advocate, another voice speaking out.

Don't let your eating disorder silence you... please.

(I'm sorry I've gone on so long... you can imagine how much editing Dateline had to do! Ha ha ha ha)

Thank you ALL for taking the time to write to me. I treasure the e-mails. I cannot respond to all, so please use resources on this website because they are exactly what I would reccomend in person anway!! May we all remember to worry less and enjoy more. Blessed Be!

Sincerely,
Lisa

Caron's story is about a young woman battling anorexia. It is shared through the eyes of her friend, Lisa Arndt.

read August, 1999 >>

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