The following story is about a young woman named Caron who has been battling anorexia. This story is shared through the eyes of her friend, Lisa Arndt.

Please be warned that some of the information may be very triggering if you suffer from an Eating Disorder yourself.

July 1996

July 4th, 1996

I saw Caron at her apartment today. She was in good spirits: energetically showing me around her new home, which she has decorated with positive messages, angels, and pictures of all her friends. But I know Cynthia being in the hospital has taken it's toll on her. She was wearing a tee shirt and looked so very frail and breakable, I felt terribably sad. I want to heal her desperately.

Cynthia remains in the hospital on the feeding tube, but she will get out after this weekend and go to a residential treatment center in Malibu. It's an excellent place with a lot of recovery and strong staff. She'll be there for 30 days and I am full of hope that she will find some love for herself there. It's her birthday on Monday, too.

Cynthia, despite being in a hospital bed, tells me she is worried about Caron (Cynthia is never concerned about herself- very typical anorexic logic). Caron will have a hard time with Cynthia away for 30 days (though we will visit), but I think it's important to have Caron rely on herself. Am I being too hopeful? If Caron relies on herself she might not try to take ANY care of herself... or maybe she will. I don't know and unfortunately, as I am learning, it is not my choice. It is up to Caron.

I am worried about Cynthia, though at least she is seeking and receiving professional help. I am worried about Caron because I am always worried about Caron. It feels like a natural state to me now.

Her health is the same - but she mentioned to me that she thinks she is dropping in weight again. She isn't sure and won't see a doctor to even get weighed at this point. I don't think she even wants to know anymore.

I just know that she looks inhuman at this point, her body is concave nearly everywhere and she wears the same size clothes a 4 year old wears. Yet she still thinks she is fat.

THIS DISEASE IS OMNIPOTENT.

Lisa

July 19th, 1996

Some disheartening news... Caron has lost more weight.

She is fighting so hard, though. She has decorated her apartment with all sorts of angels and positive things. She is cooking a lot and having a bake sale (she's a great cook of course). And Cynthia is out of the hospital, and living at home for a couple weeks until she starts treatment in Malibu at the end of the month. I am taking good care and staying strong & reliable & patient.

Caron was interviewed by a woman writing a book recently and is still writing her own creative works. Her spirit is amazing. Her body is amazing. I work in the field of eating disorders and everyone who knows or has heard of Caron doesn't understand how she is still living (much less walking). There is something amazing at work here that perhaps we can't understand...

Please keep praying/holding Caron in your thoughts.
Lisa

July 23rd, 1996

THE INTERVENTION

YES-- WE DID IT. A PROFESSIONAL INTERVENTION WITH CARON. It went on for 8 hours on Sunday. Caron's mother and sister in Canada called a professional interventionist who then flew out from Minnesota to Los Angeles and met with me. We planned an intervention that, we hoped, would end with Caron in treatment. We called her entire, wonderful, support system- which is filled with these amazing giving loving souls. Everyone responded with hope. Those that could be there in person, dropped whatever they were doing that day and came, those that couldn't, asked to be specifically mentioned that they were there in spirit. We did some quick planning, we were afraid that Caron would panic if she knew, and we managed to get her alone in her apartment. It was a VERY tense, emotional meeting. We read love letters to her and talked about how she has effected us and how afraid we are for her life. Though we know she is fearful of hospitals, we begged her to come with us to a local emergency room to get checked out. After much negotiation and tears, we escorted Caron, surrounding her with our support, to the e.r. (which is something I never thought we could get her to agree with, but we actually did).

Once at the hospital, we were lucky to have an empathetic nurse on duty who let us pass up a long line of people to get Caron in for testing. With continued fighting, we managed to have an EKG done, blood tests, urine test, and vitals taken. It was a victory to get that far... However, the test results showed nothing that would require immediate hosptialization or immediate medical attention. In fact, her vitals are normal, her blood & urine fine, and her EKG stable. I was shocked. All of us were, I think even Caron was.

The professional interventionist who was working with us noted that this meant Caron is medically stable and can go to a treatment center for eating disorders. He had a scholarship for Caron for $60,000 at Remuda Ranch (which is a very nice private residential treatment center in Arizona) waiting. But it is a voluntary unit, and Caron is refusing to go. We can't make her. She won't go, period.

So that is the end of our intervention. We did get medical tests done, which is great. And Caron knows we are all very worried about her and love her.

Somehow, though, I still feel defeated. Defeated by anorexia and it's stubborn will to die.

Lisa

July 29th, 1996

ADJUSTING TO THE FAMINE

It's been a week since the Intervention and things are back to "normal". Caron IS following through with her doctor regarding the medical side of things. She is otherwise not in any treatment, refusing to go to Remuda Ranch (which one must sign up for voluntarily). But she is tryinga little bit, leading a support group and attending groups. She is decorating her apartment and selling her baked goods; and her spirit continues to thrive.

We were all surprised that Caron's tests were okay... but Caron's medical tests are probably normal because the human body can create a homeostasis, and literally, can adjust to the famine. I know it's a surprise, but every cell in her body is fighting to live and will do anything to maintain itself. It's the mind that wants to destroy.

A week later, Caron is still shaken up by the whole thing. She knows we love her, but is very scared that we want to take control of her life. Cynthia, who played an important role, is struggling herself, and had to be hospitalized for a day. She will go to a treatment center within the next two weeks, sadly watching Caron refusing a treatment option...

As for me, I remain supportive of Caron, but I still feel let down by the Intervention results. The amazing thing that came out of the Intervention was mainly the knowledge of how many wonderful people really DO love her and are willing to work VERY hard to help her. I am truly humbled by the human spirit's ability to love, yet in awe of it's ability to stubbornly resist such love. The whole thing simply baffles me.

A kiss to all of you for your strength
Lisa

read August, 1996 >>

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